Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
