walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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