why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
