this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
