neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
