A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
