I wannas sexs uuuuu
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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