there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
