Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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