When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
