I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
