Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
