found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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