I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
