Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
