I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
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