My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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