Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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