I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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