no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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