Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
