Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
