life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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