I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
