Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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