piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize