...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
