Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
