I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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