Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
