I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
ok first of all what the fuck
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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