Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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