its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Non-Jews are for practice
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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