she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
