I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
