There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
