Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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