Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
"it" just moved
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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