some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
