why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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