I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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