I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
