bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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