on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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