dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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