I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
