As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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