I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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