A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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