I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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