The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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